Murphy's Law, General Winter, and the Olympics
by M-python-girl
Summary: Canada and Russia vs. General Winter. Because it needs to exist. Russia is hosting the Winter Olympics, which are moved to Moscow in the last minute. Winter is being particularly violent this year. T for language and themes... Romance only if you squint.


So, I wanted to do a Russia & Canada vs General Winter. I figured the Winter Olympics would be a good time, but Russia is hosting in Sochi, which is barely north of Turkey, and has Mediterranean weather. So I hit North Turkey with a 9-10 Earthquake, so that Sochi would also sustain Damage... I would make a terrible god.

When I uploaded this the punctuation all disappeared. I tried to put it back, but... I'm sorta human. Tell me if I miss some. Telling me the Paragraph would be a nice way to locate it.

Oh, and I don't own this. And the first quote is from the actual series.

"Winter can suck on my jingle-bells," said America, shivering as he entered Russia s mansion. Shaking the snow off of himself, and noting that the house s decorator was still improving things. It meant Russia was getting healthier. A countries house could only look as good as the economics of the country allowed, as it conveyed the apparent wealth of the people. "I thought we were going to the warmest part of Russia, why the hell are we in Moscow in February, anyway."

"Because Sochi was hit by a giant earthquake, we re lucky Russia was able to compensate, since he has the winter sports more than any country, except me," Canada was much calmer than his brother, brushing the snow off his much more practical coat and boots. He was more concerned that the roads were closed, and people got around via channels in, and wood planks on, the snow, "And Moscow has all the rinks set up all ready, so it really was the easiest."

America looked up, "Huh? What was that Canaidia?"

Canada sighed, "Nothing."

"Well, we d better find him, and tell him we re here. Do you think everyone else is here yet?"

"If they had any sense, they got here before the weather got worse than in their countries," said Canada, as he swiftly found the coat rack and hung up his stuff. "Papa has been showing signs of being moody this year."

America was still struggling with his gear, "and people call me ADD, what s wrong with France?"

"What are you talking about? France is fine," asked a perplexed Canada as he helped America get out of his winter gear.

"Dude, you just said he was moody."

"No, my father is moody. France is my big brother*, just like Britain."

America was starting to look at him odd. "I thought you did the same thing with your native nations that I did. Did one of their nations secretly raise you or something? 'Cuz that would make you like, 'The Last Apache,' and that would be like, totally awesome, yo."

"Never mind," replied Canada, picking up Kumijiro. "Let s just go find the others."

They went to the ballroom which Russia had converted to a meeting room long ago, and sure enough, everyone was there. Well, everyone competing anyway, so there was evidently a meeting going on. "Alright, the meeting can start, America s here!"

"You re late!" Germany yelled. "Vhat ze hell took you so long. Most of us have been here for days."

"Fashionably, late! The hero is always makes an epic entrance," laughed America, at the same time Canada said, "I'm sorry, I had to make sure my people were prepared, this year promises to be pretty bad."

Most of the countries appeared to be varying degrees of uncomfortable. North Italy appeared to be attached to Germany, shivering severally. Romano was doing much the same to Spain, who appeared to be appreciating the warmth. Switzerland only looked somewhat uncomfortable. The Nordics looked pretty much fine. Greece was extremely uncomfortable. Mexico looked shell-shocked. And Turkey he looked sick, but that probably had to do with the earthquake that had knocked him out a couple weeks ago. His people were still recovering and he had needed assistance getting to the Olympics. Japan had brought a blanket, which he was shamelessly using. Britain and China were nursing hot cups of tea, and France looked paranoid?

"We were just finalizing the order of events for 2014 Olympics, da?" said a smiling Russia.

"Oh, well awesome," said America as Japan tossed him a blanket to use.

And the meeting continued, with the expected scenarios all being present, except for one. Being the Winter Olympics, Canada was actually noticed on a regular basis. He really did live for this time every four years, when people paid attention and respected him. It was too bad it would be over in less than a month.

Russia offered America and Canada lodging at his large house because the weather sucked, and since everyone else was staying they decided to as well, also because America fucking hated winter. I mean seriously he would be hibernating if he didn't have to win the Olympics.

After settling in Canada tracked down Russia to his room. Unless he had escaped through the window since Belarus was there, clawing at the door. Well, Canada certainly couldn't get in that way, so he might as well check the window to see if Russia had followed that plan.

As he retraced his steps to the entrance hall, he paid close attention to where he was going so he could find the right window. He put on his gear, which was winter camouflage, and grabbed a spare Russian coat, and the rifle he had in his backpack as well just in case. He then went outside and up the snow stairs about a story to the top of the snow level. He then started circling the house to find the right window. The drifts got easily up to the third story but unfortunately he could see no more than a couple centimeters (and inch) of any window. So Russia was stuck in his room, with his psycho sister clawing at the door typical, he would have to be quick and quiet.

When he found the right window he started digging, trying to get to the bottom of the window. When he was down about fifteen centimeters (six inches) he tried to look in, but the glass was way too foggy. When he got down to thirty centimeters (a foot) he noticed the ice build-up on the window. He took a miniature spray bottle of Everclear* out of his winter kit, and sprayed some on the frame. He continued to dig, and spry, until he reached the sill, thankfully the window was only sixty centimeters (two feet). He used his large pocket knife to chip away at the ice the alcohol hadn't melted, and then pry the window open enough to get his fingers into, thank goodness it opened sideways.

He looked around, nervously still safe, for now. He opened the outer window*, and knocked on the inner one. He waited. It took about thirty seconds for a clear spot to suddenly appear with a Russia armed with a sword. Canada waved and held up the spare coat. He then motioned for Russia to come out. Russia looked at him suspiciously and then sent a panicked glance toward the door. He quickly opened the window. "What you doing Canada? It dangerous out there."

"No shit," he said in his forever quiet voice, tossing the Russian his coat. "I'll guard while you close the window; then we ll bolt for the front door. You can stay in my room to avoid your sister; she won t think to look for you there."

Russia climbed out and started to close the window, while Canada scanned the surrounding area, left, right, up those clouds looked nasty. "Why you doing this Canada? It have no gain for you."

"I wanted to talk to you and you were between a fight and a cold place."

"Done. Let us go, da?"

"Run... he's coming." The clouds were thickening fast, the temperature dropped, the wind picked up, and some snowflakes fell.

Shit.

They both started running; as they were rounding the corner of the house they heard it. Stupid brats, you should be more vigilant by now. The snow thickened, and icicles flew at them from behind. Canada ducked and rolled forward as Russia rolled sideways, both using their momentum to come back up still running. Ten meters (thirty feet) to the door, but it was almost a blizzard now.

Time seemed to slow down, as each dodged the icicles while trying to run full out, without getting disoriented. Canada arrived at the door first, and held it open. Two seconds later, Russia ran in and Canada immediately slammed the door behind them. The door shook as several projectiles hit it, and then all was calm.

They stood there, breathing hard. "Yep, Papa's defiantly moody this year."

"Papa?" Russia looked bewildered.

"Isn't he yours?" asked Canada as he looked over the other nation. Russia had an icicle stuck in his arm, it would act as a bandage until he pulled it out Canada had a leg scrapped near the end there and was still recovering from a wound to his stomach, he'd gotten a lecture about that one.

"No, he attacks me every year."

"Well ya, the training does kind of suck. And he is a bit overprotective. And a dick... but he is always there, every year."

"What you mean, He always there?"

"Well, I certainly know him better than any nation," said Canada, as he picked up his first aid kit.

"It look like he try to kill you too."

"And he almost has, several times This one time I got four icicles stuck in parts of my body, and I barley found a cave to hide in. That one sucked. Come on, let s go to my room and get patched up. I have vodka," Canada started towards his room.

"Is probably terrible American vodka, like terrible American beer," said Russia, though he still followed.

"I made it, and I actually know how to make alcohol, unlike my brother."

"Mmm," his doubtfulness can not be conveyed via spelling.

When they got to Canada s room, the North American immediately went toward a box on his table and pulled out three clear skulls. Russia blinked, and then noticed the bottle neck and screw top coming out of the top of the skulls. Canada then pulled out a bottle of Everclear, Russia certainly knew what that was. Two skulls and the Everclear were near each other the last skull was being used to half fill two mugs. Setting aside the skull bottle he finished filling the cups with apple juice, in one he added a touch of maple syrup. "Sit down and start drinking, I'm going to have to pull out that icicle."

Russia started drinking as Canada swiftly took off his gear and joined him. "You have skull vodka, ja?"

Canada laughed, "The brand is Crystal Skull, good vodka is expensive enough at my home that they can easily afford to have fancy bottles. And one has to admit it is really easy to recognize their brand. That pile is for you by the way, I thought you might need it this year."

"Ja. With general in mood, I will be drinking more. It is good. I cannot taste over apple, but I feel warm."

"It doesn't really have a flavor; I think that is what makes the best vodka. It tastes like what you mix it with. Ready for the icicle?"

"Ja," the taller nation set down the drink, it would be a shame to spill good vodka from pain. Even mixed vodka.

Canada pushed his glasses up, braced himself, got a firm grip, and pulled it out in one swift motion. Russia cried out back arching, and the wound started bleeding with renewed vigor, having a larger passage and less cold to slow it down. The dirty blond pulled out his hydrogen peroxide and dabbed it on, while the larger country grit his teeth. Canada then pulled out a needle and sewed the wound shut, both sides. He finished by bandaging it.

"After a rest and another swig, would you mind looking at my graze?"

"Ja, just let my head stop spinning."

Canada took off his pants while he was waiting and looked at the wound. It wasn't too bad; the bleeding had mostly stopped. "Alright, let me look." The wound only needed to be cleaned and bandaged, thankfully.

As they finished their drinks the younger nation asked, "so, are we being polite or practical?"

"Huh, what you mean?"

"Well, politeness says someone sleeps on the floor since we don t really know each other. But practicality says we both produce body heat and should cuddle in the blankets of a bed plenty large enough for both of us."

"Is cold enough for practical I think, Ja?"

"Awesome."

They turned off the lights, stripped to their boxers, put their weapons in easy reach, and settled in. However, just as they were drifting off, when

The door opened, "Canada, you are awake, no?"

"For now yes. What is it big brother? You alright France?" asked the young nation propping himself up.

"Not so much, mon ami. I... am I interrupting?" he asked looking up.

"What are you talking about?" Canada was very tired, and not in said mindset at all.

"I think he thinks we are doing what he would be doing, ja?" Russia put in. "He is not good use to weather. General defeat him when he try to attack two hundred year ago."

It took Canada a couple of seconds to put it together, he then looked at his older brother, "we are literally swapping body heat. Nothing else."

"I am hiding from little sister."

"Well, then I can join you, no?" he asked looking hopeful.

"Hop in."

"Merci."

As he climbed in, on the opposite side from Russian, Canada smelled it, "how much wine have you had tonight?"

"Trois bottles?"

"Please don t molest Russia over me."

"In a Moscow winter, are you insane? That general of his would kill me. Ahhh!"

That last part was in response to the door banging open. "Dude, Canada it's like, ridiculously cold! What are you two doing to my brother? Monroe Doctrine*, bitches! Fuck with my hemisphere and I kick your asses- Canada, why are you pointing a gun at me? Russia's sword I get, but the gun? Do you want to be a European Territory again? 'Cuz you're totally not-"

"Dammit America, shut up!" said Canada as he put down his rifle, which he had drawn reflexively after being four months of his father's training. Oddly enough, the more powerful nation actually did. "It is way too cold for this shit. They are here for the same reason you are, so climb in and shut up, or leave. You can come out from under the blankets France... Why can my bed hold four large men easily?"

"Is Baltic's old room. They no want this time, you happen to get because was last open," replied Russia.

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Wait," said America. "You want me to climb in bed with Russia, when he has a sword in easy reach?"

"There's a reason for that."

"Like what?"

"Remember the Mackinac Bridge*."

"Uhh..."

"It joins the Michigans."

"Oh Ya, that one, what's that got to do with Russia?"

"Remember the guy who kicked your ass once a year while you where building it so the Michigans had to drag you to shelter?"

"What are you talking about, I totally won against that Winter guy."

"In the end, ya. Anyway Papa attacks Russia and me every year because he's a dick. Now can we please get some sleep?"

America went into a state of deep thought, "...I'll sleep between you and Russia. That way he can't stab you in your sleep."

"How valiant of you."

"Of coarse, I'm the hero!"

"Just shut up and close the damn door."

"Canada," said Russia. "I think I am being liking you."

So... Science Person writing...

"The Last Apache" is a movie/book. Google it.

*France and Britain are the Americas' Brothers. They say this in cannon, and I like to keep it that way. Personal Preference. And Father Winter amuses me.

*Everclear is an alcoholic beverage running from 75%-95% volume alcohol (150-190 proof), and is in the Guinness Book of World Records as most alcoholic beverage. It is sometimes used as a shellac solvent.

Putting Alcohol on ice causes it to melt. Why does Canada have a spray bottle of it? Because it's freaking useful in winter, and Winter will switch from cuddling him to attacking him in seconds flat. Because Winter is a dick, and not human at all.

*They do this in cold climates, air is a better temperature insulator than glass, so they have double layered windows to help insulation. Public buildings will also have a door to the out side, a buffer space large enough to open the next door, and then you can get in. It's a lot warmer, trust me. I may be American but I live near the Canadian border.

*Paraphrased but accurate. Mess with the Western Hemisphere and America will fuck you up. We're actually kinda douchie about it, since that one corollary was added.

*In order to build the Mackinac Bridge, we got more water building equipment than had ever been assembled in peace time, and we could only really work half the year... so very difficult. And for those who don't know their states, Michigan has two large parts of about equal size, and is on the great lakes. Which is why I used a plural, like with the Italys. California would have gotten this treatment, but it didn't come up.

I did not make up Crystal skull vodka. The full size bottle is $70. and it is fucking amazing.


End file.
